Part 5 of my Pay it Forward like that kid that sees dead people-I'm a lazy a-hole-Shine a light on other bloggers- Summer blog series. Blah blah blah

Today's guest post comes from my latest find, Brent Siekman from SooperDad Blog of Awesomeness. Brent is a stay at home dad of 4. That's 4 kids, you guys. No. Not 4 goats. I know that the English language is tricky sometimes, but we're not talking about those cute animals with little horns that eat entire cars and head butt you in the belly when you're an animal-loving 8-year-old who's only trying to pet them all sweet and stuff (flashbacks, yo!). We're talking 4 real live, non-imaginary, human children. And ya know what? I KNOW all you moms are LOVING the heck outta that. A dude that stays home with 4 maniacs. And guess what? He still has time to blog and run a Facebook page and be funny and all kinds of entertaining. So my assessment is that either he is 5 hour energy drinking it up every 2 hours like a bad-ass rebel, or he actually IS, as his blog implies, a SooperDad. Whatever the heck "Sooper" means. Obviously he's too busy to use spell check, but I'll let that pass. THAT'S how much I dig him.

And once again, I've blabbed on way too long. So without further adieu, here is his bloggy blog post:

50 Shades of *CENSORED*

So...

My wife is an aesthetician. She has access to all kinds of body creams, exfoliants, scrubs, serums, and other foofy things. She likes to try out new drugstore options too. Like chocolate-scented kids soap. I had the great fortune to join her on a jaunt out to her supply shop yesterday afternoon, where upon I stumbled onto this gem.

WHAT.

If you can't read the THREE FOOT TALL DISPLAY CASE, it is for a product called "Betty".Their slogan is "Color for the hair down there".

Yeah.

It's box dye for your crotches, ladies. A THREE FOOT TALL DISPLAY CASE OF VAGINA DYE.

We'll get back to the crotch coloring in a minute. Let's have a serious discussion, ladies.

I've been married for 14 years. I have the same reaction to seeing a vajay now as I did when I was 17. My eyes widen, my heart races, and I can assure you that the COLOR of the carpet (unless it's hardwood flooring) does not factor into any equation whatsoever. The simple fact that I get to see it is the thing. It could have Medusa tentacles coming out of it, and I would still be in awe. I can't speak for all men, but my guess is that a good majority of them wouldn't even know your original "hair down there" color anyways.

Now, back to the paint by numbers kits. Betty has a website. As I grimaced through this website in absolute awe of the dumbfuckeryness of this whole concept, I saw this page. For Bridal Betty (all the "Betty"s have names. Black is "Black Betty", Ocean Blue is "Malibu Betty", etc.). BRIDAL BETTY COMES WITH STENCILS Y'ALL. So you can be a classy, sophisticated bride bent over the bathtub squeezing food coloring on your lady bits the day before your big day. 

So I snicker...wait...wh...........what.............WHAT THE FUCKERY FUCKING FOOK IS THIS?

BOTTOM. LEFT. CORNER.

This shit is marketed towards MEN too? Oh...it gets better folks. Testimonials from men who were "embarrassed when getting intimate" about how GREY THEIR PUBES WERE. FFS. Okay, look, it might be an issue for some dudes, I get that. But really, it's not a fashion show. The fact that anyone is close enough to even see your crank is a prize in itself.

Have we really gotten this crazy about our body image in society that we need to "spice it up" by changing the color of body hair that the general public doesn't see anyways?

*LE SIGH*

-Brent Sieckman

Blog: SooperDad Blog of Awesomness

Facebook: SooperDad Blog of Awesomeness/Facebook